Game by
Protomni Multimedia
Release date
January 9, 2013
Regular price
$ 4.99
Available at

Bernie Needs Love is, in essence, a simple and lighthearted platformer in which the player must guide Bernie, a nice but anguished old man chased by death, towards his girlfriend — while avoiding the many hazards of a poorly maintained yet beautiful city and collecting blue 'love-enhancing' pills to make it an extra-special night!

Here is a list of the enemies, items, and obstacles implemented so far:

  • stationary birds that release deadly poop
  • flying birds that also release deadly poop
  • exploding manholes
  • robbers
  • duck floaters
  • exposed steam pipes
  • blue 'love-enhancing' pills that act as score
  • hidden red pills that unveil secrets
  • crowd-control officers
  • deranged bioengineered peafawns set on avenging their plucked tails
  • the Grim Reaper, including his scythe and zombie minions of varied expertise
  • In a time of eye candy and accessibility over gameplay and personality, Bernie Needs Love truly stands out from the crowd with its charming retro graphics, lovingly composed chiptune music, and hardcore difficulty level — which are sure to satisfy players who grew up in the 8-bit era.

    Aesthetically, Bernie Needs Love is both a loveletter to the games of the 80s and early 90s, but also an experiment on getting the most out of a self-imposed set of limitations: the palette is a mix of CPC and C64 colors with a few odd ones that are necessary for highlights and other elements that must stand out, while the original chiptune soundtrack is entirely created with synthesizers that faithfully emulate the hardware of iconic 8-bit and 16-bit machines.

    Regardless of its nostalgic appeal, Bernie Needs Love is an up-to-date game from the depicted subjects (i.e. the anguish of life in the constant shadow of imminent death, one's need for love and sex, the pharmaceutical industry, etc.) to the modern conveniences it provides, such as automatic support for the Xbox 360 controller, quick and easy switching between the windowed and fullscreen modes, audio options (toggle-enabled and independent controls for Music and SFX), and saving the player progress. Even the hair-pulling difficulty is balanced with infinite lives, immediate restart upon death, and no loading whatsoever after the first loading screen upon start (which shouldn't take more then 3 seconds, by the way).

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